One of the cooperation strategies in the Calmer, Easier, Happier parenting approach is to ask your child questions. Why is this?Well, we all know that children, and adults for that matter, don't like being told what to do. But why are questions so helpful? There is actually brain science to explain this. When you ask a question and your child or teen answers, she then sees a vivid mental picture of herself doing the activity and is therefore much more likely to take responsibility to do the action.
It's so easy for our kids to tune us out when we're lecturing and telling them what to do. It's not surprising then that they don't follow our instructions and may make the excuse that they didn't hear what we said. This is another reason why asking questions is so powerful. When you ask questions and require her to respond, it means that she has definitely heard you and the expectations are clear. So the next time you are about to go and tell your child what to do, take a minute to phrase your instruction as a question and ask something like, "What do you need to do before coming down for breakfast?"
Suzanne Ferera (see profile below)
Vancouver, BC
I must say the advice I have read from these columns thus far most definitely helped. As you said, practice, practice and practice. However sometimes I tend to forget and then eventually it clicks and I am so totally amazed by it. Your articles are very informative and easy to understand, easy to follow. I love them. Keep up the good work.
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